A Letter to my Future Self

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9/15/2020

My Dearest Elysia,

It is a tremendous blessing to write this letter to you on this lovely, soon to be autumn morning.  The fall season has always been a favorite of yours I know. Not just because your birthday is on the threshold of fall. I remember how you loved going back to school, skipping and crunching the leaves that had fallen. Learning has been and will most likely be your favorite activity. Oh, and Halloween! The costumes, the candy, and bobbing for apples. How fitting that you gave birth to your youngest child (and only daughter) on the first day of autumn!

I also know that this time of year has proven to be difficult at times, with several surgeries (one being on Halloween) and the miscarriage that you thought you would never get over. Fortunately, as time does not heal all wounds it does make life easier. This is the season you learned to feel your emotions completely, without any chemical assistance as you went through a painful separation and divorce.  You got through it with your dignity intact.  Thank God you found a good support system.


What a difference a few years make indeed! You have managed to conquer and sustain your inner battle with sugar. Elysia, thank you for being the example you are to others who struggle with this issue. Thank you for sharing your successes as well as shortcomings – keeping it real as you like to call it.

Congratulations for achieving your Yoga Teaching certification! Did you relish every moment of that journey?  I hope so. It could not have been easy the entire time no matter how much you love to practice. I always knew you were up for the challenge even though you doubted your coordination skills, balance and flexibility. The process had to have stretched your abilities physically, mentally, and spiritually. I knew you could do it. I knew you would do it.


You once said you were not ready to be a bride until the day you married Brian…This was after 16 years of marriage to another man and a few years after your children were adults. Funny how life can be like that.  You have excelled at being Brian’s wife! How you have learned to be interdependent rather than co-dependent or as you often have been – too independent! Ha! This does take a lot of balance. Sometimes you enthusiastically engaged in this role and sometimes, you just wanted to hide under the blankets and sleep the day away.  But instead, you suited up and showed up to be his partner every day.

There were days you kind of sucked at it…yet, you continued to grow as a wife. Brian knows how much you love him without you having to utter a word. He knows it in how you help around the home, how you find his keys-wallet-shoes when he has misplaced them.  He might not remember to say thank you out loud, but he does silently as he hurriedly gets into his car and drives of to work. Happy 9th Anniversary to you and Brian!

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At this time you are saying you have been healed of Gastroparesis rather than in remission. How horrible you felt when you struggled with it. At times just wanted to die. But like the fighter you are, you kept on getting up and entering the ring. That was until the day you learned to dance with it rather than go to war. In this way, the battle was won and you didn’t have to strike a blow. Please continue to keep your health a priority. You have made huge strides in this area. I think the main reason for this is that you know that you are worth it.

Speaking of which, did you ever imagine that I could love you as much as I do today? I do, wholeheartedly love you Elysia. I admire the loveable qualities that make you “Elysia”. You have risen above the self-loathing, perfectionism that once plagued you. You have learned to accept the true authentic Elysia in all her imperfections. I do understand that as a woman, this is an ongoing struggle. But you get better and better at it every day.  Keep it up!!

Elysia, you once were so jealous of other women. Now you have this love and desire for sisterhood. Though you might have felt it crushed at one time by another woman, you continued to press on in your love of a universal sisterhood. Don’t ever lose that Elysia. You have so much to teach and so much to learn from other women!


I know that you struggled with insecurities in your writing and that it is your desire is to help others, to encourage and empower them. Even when you wondered if anyone even cared about what you had to say, you stuck to your commitment and kept writing. Thank you for that. Again, you set an example of perseverance. And what has it brought you? So many blessings.  Some big, some little. Each has had a significant impact to your heart/spirit.

Finally, you have remained  clean and sober for the past 17 years! Don’t forget to pass it on. Keep doing what you  were taught to do.  No one ever graduates the program but you, Elysia love that continuous improvement stuff anyway. How many women have you helped stay sober? How many have helped you? What a gift this sobriety is.  Above all else, be the best Elysia you could possibly be!

I probably won’t write for another 5 years. I complete this letter wishing that you know that I am proud of you and how I am grateful that you are you.

With Love Always,

Elysia

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Dear Readers,

I hope today finds you rich in love and acceptance of your true selves. Have you ever envisioned what your life will be like in 5 years?  Some call that a Mission Statement.  To keep it personal, I have decided to instead write a letter to myself. Might you need to envision your future, I recommend this method. You will be amazed at what you find yourself writing.

Stay Blissful My Friends – E

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