Vision – Living Elysian

We could all use a little change – Smashmouth

My hair is short today. At the beginning of the year, I had long extensions. They were removed in the Spring. My hair was then just past shoulder length. Not a bad length. But then I got obsessive about my gray hairs and decided to have it colored, then highlighted.

Between all the chemicals and heat styling, my hair started dying. Rapidly. So it had to be cut down. Oh, it will grow again. Maybe.

Oh, and the weight gain…caused another back injury. Just as I arrived in Ecuador. Most of my food goes bad because I buy too much anyway. But I continue to wake up in the middle of the night to sneak Oreos from the pantry. Why are there Oreos in my pantry?!!!

Laundry day has become an all-day event, prompting me to buy more clothes?! Am I the only one?

Outward Representations

They say the outward is a direct representation of the inward. This year has proven that statement to be quite fair. I have taken a long inventory of the excess in my life as of late. My physical being told a great story.

Weight (This one Really Hurts)

I had a back injury in 2016. In addition to treatment, I was put on a Ketogenic diet to lose 30 lbs. This was a complete success throughout late 2016 and all of 2017. I felt better than I had in years!

But then, I thought I could have a cookie in 2018…Mind you, I had just begun a new relationship with a wonderful man and lost my soulmate (my dog, Chewy). So much emotion – and this will be another topic in the Shedding the Excess Process.

Because emotion plays right into eating habits for me, by the end of 2018 I had gained 15 of those pounds back. Now that doesn’t seem like much but let me tell you, I injured my back again. Additionally, heartburn and burning mouth syndrome have returned.

The solution to this: Find another healthy eating program. One in which I can afford. I decided upon HIITBURN after completing their questionnaire. For $97.00, I get a personal coach. This is extremely helpful since I travel a lot and cannot go into a clinic for weigh-ins.

Home

My house in Colorado was difficult to give up. So many memories. My son wanted to buy it to raise my granddaughters in the home they knew so well. Unfortunately, he could not come up with the money in time and my ex-husband was wanting his money.

This proved to be a blessing in disguise. The house did hold many moments in time. And it was time to let those moments go. Just as I had said goodbye to Chewy, I needed to say goodbye to the home I raised him within.

Again, this was an emotional process. I had already minimized so much and moved into an RV. But there was more.

How many of us hold on to a cluttered home because we just cannot let go of the dead energy that we know so well. There is safety in the familiar. I had learned this when I got sober. I had learned this when I got divorced.

I realized that I did not want the responsibility of a mortgage. I didn’t even want the responsibility of digging in roots anymore. It’s time to travel the world. It’s my time. And, it’s time to own it.

House sold.

SHOES!!

Okay, I have a love-hate relationship with shoes. But especially boots. I have been stalked by shoes and boots on Facebook. But alas, I have no room for all the shoes that I once owned. Furthermore, I don’t need all of them!

Clothes

When I am in my new landing spot in West Texas, I dread laundry day. Packing for my long-term trips around the world is a nightmare.

I had a flannel shirt for 15 years. It served me well until the holes could no longer be mended. After which, trying to find that perfect flannel again took another 15 years. I remember a conversation with my favorite pair of white pants when I was 16. “Okay, I am giving you one more chance to make it right. I’m going to wash you with bleach and if you are still pink when you come out, it’s off to the Segunda for you!”. They came out white again…

I downsized my wardrobe twice in 2018 and have concluded that I need to do this again. But clothing also has an emotional connection. This item was a gift, this other item was something I wore on a special day. How can I hold on to these memories while letting go of the piece of clothing that means so much to me?

Yoga Practice

How can one practice Yoga too much? When it starts to lean more on either aspect – the physical/spiritual. Yoga burn-out is real. It happens. It was happening to me. Just after a great year of taking two additional Yoga Teacher Trainings.

It was time to change it up. I had no choice but to do so when I injured my back. Taking a look at the many different practices:

Hatha
Iyengar
Restorative
Yin
Kundalini

I landed back on Kundalini because, though it can be physical, it is also less stressful on the back for some reason. I found a lovely 40-day Kundalini for weight loss program. What I started to see as a continual topic through this program was “Shedding the Excess”.

This is just a small piece of the pie. (oh, I want pie). There’s much more excess to cut:

People are flocking to the Minimalist Movement. But do they really know why it is so appealing? Do they understand the philosophy behind this movement? Or is this just another pop-cultural thing to do? Another “Shiny Object” to play with for a while?

For me, it has become a new prana. The only way to truly breathe now. And I realized this when I looked in the mirror and saw that my hair is short today.

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9/15/2020

My Dearest Elysia,

It is a tremendous blessing to write this letter to you on this lovely, soon to be autumn morning. The fall season has always been a favorite of yours I know. Not just because your birthday is on the threshold of fall. I remember how you loved going back to school, skipping and crunching the leaves that had fallen. Learning has been and will most likely be your favorite activity. Oh, and Halloween! The costumes, the candy, and bobbing for apples. How fitting that you gave birth to your youngest child (and only daughter) on the first day of autumn!

I also know that this time of year has proven to be difficult at times, with several surgeries (one being on Halloween) and the miscarriage that you thought you would never get over. Fortunately, as time does not heal all wounds it does make life easier. This is the season you learned to feel your emotions completely, without any chemical assistance as you went through a painful separation and divorce. You got through it with your dignity intact. Thank God you found a good support system.

What a difference a few years make indeed! You have managed to conquer and sustain your inner battle with sugar. Elysia, thank you for being the example you are to others who struggle with this issue. Thank you for sharing your successes as well as shortcomings – keeping it real as you like to call it.

Congratulations for achieving your Yoga Teaching certification! Did you relish every moment of that journey? I hope so. It could not have been easy the entire time no matter how much you love to practice. I always knew you were up for the challenge even though you doubted your coordination skills, balance and flexibility. The process had to have stretched your abilities physically, mentally, and spiritually. I knew you could do it. I knew you would do it.

You once said you were not ready to be a bride until the day you married Brian…This was after 16 years of marriage to another man and a few years after your children were adults. Funny how life can be like that. You have excelled at being Brian’s wife! How you have learned to be interdependent rather than co-dependent or as you often have been – too independent! Ha! This does take a lot of balance. Sometimes you enthusiastically engaged in this role and sometimes, you just wanted to hide under the blankets and sleep the day away. But instead, you suited up and showed up to be his partner every day.

There were days you kind of sucked at it…yet, you continued to grow as a wife. Brian knows how much you love him without you having to utter a word. He knows it in how you help around the home, how you find his keys-wallet-shoes when he has misplaced them. He might not remember to say thank you out loud, but he does silently as he hurriedly gets into his car and drives of to work. Happy 9^th Anniversary to you and Brian!

At this time you are saying you have been healed of Gastroparesis rather than in remission. How horrible you felt when you struggled with it. At times just wanted to die. But like the fighter you are, you kept on getting up and entering the ring. That was until the day you learned to dance with it rather than go to war. In this way, the battle was won and you didn’t have to strike a blow. Please continue to keep your health a priority. You have made huge strides in this area. I think the main reason for this is that you know that you are worth it.

Speaking of which, did you ever imagine that I could love you as much as I do today? I do, wholeheartedly love you Elysia. I admire the loveable qualities that make you “Elysia”. You have risen above the self-loathing, perfectionism that once plagued you. You have learned to accept the true authentic Elysia in all her imperfections. I do understand that as a woman, this is an ongoing struggle. But you get better and better at it every day. Keep it up!!

Elysia, you once were so jealous of other women. Now you have this love and desire for sisterhood. Though you might have felt it crushed at one time by another woman, you continued to press on in your love of a universal sisterhood. Don’t ever lose that Elysia. You have so much to teach and so much to learn from other women!

I know that you struggled with insecurities in your writing and that it is your desire is to help others, to encourage and empower them. Even when you wondered if anyone even cared about what you had to say, you stuck to your commitment and kept writing. Thank you for that. Again, you set an example of perseverance. And what has it brought you? So many blessings. Some big, some little. Each has had a significant impact to your heart/spirit.

Finally, you have remained clean and sober for the past 17 years! Don’t forget to pass it on. Keep doing what you were taught to do. No one ever graduates the program but you, Elysia love that continuous improvement stuff anyway. How many women have you helped stay sober? How many have helped you? What a gift this sobriety is. Above all else, be the best Elysia you could possibly be!

I probably won’t write for another 5 years. I complete this letter wishing that you know that I am proud of you and how I am grateful that you are you.

With Love Always,

Elysia

Dear Readers,

I hope today finds you rich in love and acceptance of your true selves. Have you ever envisioned what your life will be like in 5 years? Some call that a Mission Statement. To keep it personal, I have decided to instead write a letter to myself. Might you need to envision your future, I recommend this method. You will be amazed at what you find yourself writing.

Stay Blissful My Friends – E

Tag: Vision

Short Hair & Other Resolutions