A few years back I experienced a crisis of faith. Everything I was taught about faith was thrown into a ball of confusion. Feeling lost in a frequent spiral of bewilderment, I was living a life that differed from my fundamental beliefs. Was my faith in God completely dismantled?
One of my closest friends exclaimed to me, “I think your God is a bit judgmental and harsh. Why don’t you borrow my God until that changes.” What she was really saying “You might want to review YOUR concept of God.”
It was a good start. My concept of God was changing and I was uncomfortable with this. Any kind of change is difficult. I decided to go back to basics. I started with the Prayer of St. Francis:
Lord, make me an instrument of Your peace.
Sold on this one right away. Peace? I like peace. I would love to share peace with others!
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
I’m all “about” Love!
where there is injury, pardon;
Does this pertain to me? Like if someone injures me? Um…Okay I will work on this. Turns out it was easier than I thought. One of my favorite things to say when someone insults my feelings or talks down to me “Thank you for caring enough to express that to me”…Eventually I believed that “Thank you.” It got easier as I said it. Sometimes “Faking it until you are making it” works –Sometimes.
where there is doubt, faith;
Oh Dear Lord, I really need your help here. It is not so much that I doubt you, as I doubt my faith. What are you telling me God? Help others with their faith and I will build up my own? Oh, okay!
where there is despair, hope;
I know despair. I know hope. I can do this.
where there is darkness, light;
Can I really shine like the stars in the universe? Yes please. I want to do this for you God! I want to be a light. But first I must understand and embrace my darkness? This might hurt a bit but I am…gulp…willing.
and where there is sadness, joy.
I so desperately need your joy God. I can withstand the sadness knowing this joy you speak of is on its way!
Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
Oh, I’m starting to get it! If I am of service to others, I might not be so stuck in my so called “crisis” today. That would be nice God. I want this in my life even more than a new pair of Uggs…
to be understood as to understand;
Again, letting go of self and thinking of others.
to be loved as to love;
Can I truly love others above myself? I am now on a great Mission! Does this make me a Missionary?
for it is in giving that we receive;
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
and it is in dying
that we are born to eternal life. – Amen
Stay Blissful My Friends – E