“I feel like an asshole.”
“Why did I do that?”
“If only, I had ___”
These thoughts are like slips of paper spinning around in the blender that is my mind. Am I the only one? I highly doubt it. Otherwise, therapists would be more extinct than the North African Elephant.
I don’t feel the need to explain why we do this or come up with solutions either. All I have to say is, just stop being so damned hard on yourself.
Okay, I lied. I have more to say…
My daughter and I have been spending a lot of time together lately as she has been simultaneously in search of a new job and a room for rent. Each telephone conversation and interview is followed by her second-guessing how she did. “I should have said this”, “Maybe I wasn’t serious enough”. I tell her to stop acting like her mom.
Less than an hour later I am complaining about how every time I find an answer to my boss’ questions about our new credit card system, something else is effed up and I don’t have an answer to the latest anomaly. “I feel like an asshole”, I tell her. “Wow, I really do get it from you don’t I?”, she shared her thought out loud.
Ouch! Not only have I been hard on myself, I have passed this on to my daughter. How many times while she was growing up did she see me looking in the mirror complaining about how fat I am because I have no self-control over my food consumption? When in reality, hormones played more of a part in my weight gain than how much I was eating.
Each day of our lives we make deposits in the memory banks of our children. – Charles R. Swindoll
A random memory of one of my facebook posts came to mind: When I am beating myself up over something I did or didn’t do, that is my ego talking and not my God. Ego is also known as “Edging God out”. Not something I want to do consciously.
With this realization, I articulated out loud that it is time to stop doing this NOW! My daughter fully agreed. I guess an alternative script is necessary if we are to accomplish such a declaration.
My new word is “Focused”. It is not likely for us to remain focused when we spend so much time beating ourselves up. So just stop! If I commit to doing this today, will you join me? Perfection is not attainable. Continuous improvement is more sustainable. Don’t be perfect, be better. It is time to change our focus.
I make the commitment to kindly, gently and lovingly maintain inner-peace.
Stay Blissful My Friends – E
If you liked this, check out: https://livingelysian.com/2016/11/06/let-go-keep-going-or-start-over/