Let Go, Keep Going, or Start Over

I am not alone in knowing what it is like to be in a bad marriage. Said marriage lasted 16 years. Most likely 10 years too long. But I was young and tenacious. I also held the belief that divorce was the ultimate failure. I like to think I am older and wiser these days.

I also know what it is like to be in a long work situation, where things are constantly changing. Sometimes, the changes are difficult. Other times, change is much welcomed. The main constant would be the collaborative and diverse culture of my workplace. In addition, the challenges and continual opportunities to grow in knowledge, skills, and experience. Quality experience.

Fortunately, I have also known what it is like to start over. This can be the scariest decision of them all. Though worth it in every way possible. If you have never tried this, you might be due for some starting over.


They say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results.  That would be the best description of my first marriage. Growth did not truly happen until those latter days when I started my plan to move on. For the most part, I was treated as a second-class citizen. No matter what accomplishment I made, it was reacted upon as another threat to our “family”. I fell for it several times. Until the day I realized that nothing was going to change. So I made the decision to do so.

We had just moved to Northern Colorado the year before and I had just landed the best job of my life. The husband decided to clear all the funds out of our account so that I would not have enough money to hire an attorney or move our kids out of the home. Fortunately, I had developed some strong resources. Nevertheless, I knew that it was going to be a long, difficult road.

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Photo by Andrea Boldizar

 

Of course, my family back in California suggested I come “home”. But I felt home. Moreover, I had this great job, which also provided me with another “family”. So I took a risk. I stayed put, held onto my job and got the divorce.

Several years have passed and I am still enjoying my position as Executive Assistant to the VP of Supply Chain. We have had good times, bad times, tough times, and short times to take a few breaths.

Five years ago, I entered into my second marriage. A completely different vibe in and of itself. Because I learned to teach others how to treat me as well as treating others how I want to be treated. Mutual respect. Was it scary to do this? Hell yes. Has it been worth it? More than anything I could have imagined. I found a husband who loves a lot of the things I do, as well as enjoys his own things. We are both fiercely independent, yet enjoy quality time together.

My husband has never been married. Yet I had, and I was not too interested in beginning a new marriage at first. Fortunately for me, neither was he. But we finally came to the conclusion that we wanted to grow old together. Thus, I started over again with the title “wife”. I am grateful for this decision to this very day.

What would be the difference between these situations, Elysia? I am glad you asked!

 

Let Go

  • When growth is stunted or downright reversing for a long stretch of time – Let go.
  • When you have exhausted all resources such as counseling and even prayer, and the behavior never changes – Let go.
  • When the circumstance or relationship affects all your other relationships with loved ones negatively for a long stretch of time – Let go.

Keep Going

  • When issues arise, yet progress is made and it sticks – Keep going.
  • When the momentum and commitment are aligned with your personal values – Keep going.
  • When you truly see the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel – Keep going.
  • When you are not in agreement but have full trust in the process – Keep going.

Start Over

  • When you have exhausted all of what should be and are ready for what actually is – Start over.
  • When you can have an open mind and clear vision – Start over.
  • When you fully trust your spiritual growth – Start over.
  • When you know you have a true passion for experiencing the unknown – Start over.

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Photo by Luis Llerena

An important tool for deciding which path to take is a simple list of Pros and Cons. I know this from experience. Making a decision based on emotion is never a good idea.  So time for reflection and research has always been extremely helpful to me in my decisions.

Where are you today? What is the first step you need to take toward making a decision? When you do indeed make the decision, stick to it.

Stay Blissful My Friends – E

 

emails To The Hubby

6/11/16

Good morning babe. I have come to realize that I will probably learn how to respond and teach my students when they have back pain.

I have already learned so much from April and Rick.

Watch out world! Elysia is in full acceptance! LY -E


20160620_102842_0016/19/16

My dearest Brian,

I hope things are well at the homestead and that you are in good mind, body, and spirit.

It has been an extremely busy week of physical, mental and spiritual learnings. There are six of us trainees: Amy and Angela, who live nearby in Kona, Mico from Japan (I named a sequence after her), Alexa from Canada and one male, JP from Oahu.

I am grateful for the camaraderie and the energy each of us brings to the Ashram.

The teaching staff also run the ashram. Satyam and his girlfriend Abhaya. There is also a cook, her name is Spirit and she is from Denver. All have spent time at Shoshoni. The ladies wear no makeup yet they are both beautiful.

It is far too humid to wear makeup anyway. That and the numerous mosquito bites can cure anyone’s vanity issues. We are all natural all day long.

The ashram life begins at 5:30am and ends at 5:30pm. We have breakfast and lunch breaks and a half hour for Seva, which is the service part of yoga. It is done mindfully and does not matter if we have completed all our chores. When the leader rings the bell, we are to stop immediately. This is not as easy as one would think. Especially when I really had my eye on a certain spot.

Twice a week we get to choose between going to the mall to pick up needed items or go to the beach. By the time we get to either place, we have 35 minutes before we have to get in the van and return for lunch.

I got to snorkel for the very first time and swam with a turtle, a school of brilliant yellow fish and some parrot fish! The water felt so good on my back. What I did learn is that even though I was completely in water, the sun is still very strong on my head. I went to bed that night without dinner and missed my homework session.

So after dinner and showers, most of us return to the Yoga deck and do a study session for about another hour and a half. We are all basically in bed and fast asleep by 8:30!

Because I missed my homework session, I had to wing my morning presentation to my group. It turned out to be my best presentation so far. Go figure…

Today was our day off but we didn’t want to do too much because we have processed a lot in our first week. We started with a half hour meditation, an hour of studying, then a trolley ride into town for lunch and some shopping. We returned and did another hour of study. Whew!

A few key learnings: Keep standing with my core engaged, I need to lose the habit of hyperextending my knees (bending your knees slightly while standing immediately actually brings you in the moment.) And the purpose of asana is to prepare you for meditation.

Well, that is about it for now. I love you, miss you, and appreciate you – E


6/26/16

Hi Babe, 

Sure do miss you. I speak often to my group about the support you have been to me.

We are a week and a half into our Yoga teacher training and have somewhat found our rhythm in the Ashram lifestyle.

One of my favorite practices is selfless service, aka Seva. Seva is to be performed in silence or while chanting. Today, I began chanting “Om Namah Shivaya”, during Selfless service. I found this to be a blissful practice and I plan to implement it in my daily life when I return home.

We were supposed to have our midterm test today, however, Satyam and Abaya said we did so well on our practice tests that we deserved a few hours at the beach instead.

My biggest feedback received is that I do so well when I bring my practice and teach from the heart, yet I often find myself in my head searching for cues. So basically, I need to stop over thinking my sequences.

Hawaii is indeed paradise except for these little demons from hell we call mosquitoes.  You will see more of that in a text soon. Alexa, our Canadian student recorded a video.

Emotions hit a peak the other day and several of the girls were shedding tears. This is normal, as a lot comes up when you have 3 sessions of meditation and allowing ourselves to be vulnerable in presenting sequences.  I blogged about it and had Satyam and Abhaya read it before posting.  They loved it! Satyam even said that I am a good writer!

There is so much more I want to share with you. But I will be patient and tell you more when I return home.

I love you and miss you dearly. I’m also attaching some pictures for your viewing pleasure.  – E

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b

7/3/16

Hi babe,

Hope all is well with you and our babies! It’s hard to believe that we trainees have only two more days. Monday is our final exam and Tuesday, graduation. I’m off to Hilo Wednesday.

Such an amazing journey and we have learned a whole lot. I’m glad there’s only 6 of us. That’s plenty of personalities in one location. 

Tomorrow is our day off but a few of us are staying in to finish our final writing assignments. If there’s time after, we are going to do beach yoga.

Well, just a little more than a week and we will be together again. You might not recognize me, though…

Hey, did you get my text with the video I took by the mango tree?

Love you – E