One of my favorite meditation videos is called “F*ck That: An Honest Meditation”. There is so much truth in this little gem of a film. Being that it is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, I have to reflect on the many times, I might have been better off just saying “F*ck This”!
In hindsight, I choose to say these two words as a form of continually empowering myself to be the spiritually strong, badass, warrior-queen that I am today.
- He’s at my work all through my shift drinking coffee and letting my male customers know that I am his girlfriend. – F*ck This.
- He warns me of organizations I might be remotely interested in, being too authoritative, lax, weird or maybe even cultish – F*ck This.
- He associates a comment I have made to a good looking guy who just walked into the room – F*ck This.
- He gives his ex-wife my phone number without asking or informing me about it, then proceeds to have a heated argument with her for 2 hours – on my phone! F*ck This.
- His ex-wife is included in our holiday gatherings…including Mother’s Day. F*ck This.
- He continues to struggle with decisiveness over me vs. another woman. Sometimes said other woman is his ex-wife. F*ck This.
- He “jokingly” hits me in the face with the basketball. – F*ck This.
- He is not interested in my successes or knowledge, rather compares me to other successful women. – F*ck This.
- He is threatened by the kids and all the money I spend on them …after we go school shopping. – F*ck This.
- He is threatened by a cookie when I express that it is “better than sex”. F*ck This.
- Every time I gain a new friend, he accuses me of having an affair with her husband or he starts flirting with my friend, – F*ck This.
- After 10 years together, he still shows up at my office with no notice and just walks down the hall without checking in with reception. F*ck This.
- When the boys get older, he keeps throwing them out of the house because “they are trying to tear our marriage apart” – F*ck This.
Okay, I finally said “F*ck This.” But before I really commit to it:
He convinces me to give him another try, even takes me out dress shopping so we can renew our vows. We then announce it to the kids. Two days later, I am served with divorce papers.
So the nicest thing he ever did for me and my children was to say “F*ck This.” Because, the truth is, I was no gem of a wife. Regardless, I DID NOT DESERVE TO BE ABUSED – NOBODY DESERVES IT.
Nobody deserves to be gaslighted and have their minds f*cked with constantly. He wasn’t even cute. Well maybe sometimes. And sex was great whenever he was afraid of losing me.
I cringe at all the times he told me that he owned my p*ssy. Wait, what? Shouldn’t I have left then? Probably. But I didn’t. Furthermore, I no longer should on myself. And neither “should” you.
Time to move forward, or build your new foundation. Just don’t look back. You are better than that. The next time you find yourself thinking of what you coulda, woulda, shoulda, just say “F*ck This.”
Stay Blissful My Friends! – E
Living Elysian 