Is Church the Right Place to Find a Husband?

Mr. Wonderful

One might consider me a bit close minded…My first marriage ended up in divorce.

Please understand, the odds were stacked against us. I was a single mother, he was a single-divorced father who was 10 years older than me.  I was only 20 – Which, is why I am writing this very article.
I have known many people, who met at church and married. Some are still together and some divorced.  I have no judgment over either case.  It just is.
But for the young, impressionable, inexperienced and naive woman – I ask that you consider this:  Not every man in church is a sane, healthy-minded individual. Some might not even be Christian.  There are men, who go to church to find a young “submissive” wife. These types of men just love the way that sounds. They love the way that looks. Your best interest is not and probably will never be of concern to them. Though they might give off a good impression.

My suggestion: PAY ATTENTION!  If he wants to rush into a relationship, sex and even more concerning – marriage, I would caution you to Run.Away.Very.Fast.  Or not. But maybe, you could slow things down a bit.  Give yourself time to evaluate the circumstances.  He might tell you that he can’t live another day without being fully committed to you. That he thinks of no one other than you.  He has such passion and intensity in the way he looks at you and makes you feel.  But in reality, he just doesn’t want you to have enough time to see what he is truly about.  He wants you completely under his (short-lived) spell.  Or not.  But maybe, you should still slow things down a bit.  This will not hurt.  If it is bad idea, you will see within the first year (If you are paying attention).  If it is a strong bond, it will be stronger.

No one wants to be unequally yoked and some of us do want to have a life partner. Take your time. Talk to God. Ask him what to do.  Wait on the answer. When you have a good relationship with your Creator, you will know-in your very gut you will know.  If you do not feel  you are getting an answer, WAIT. Just wait. The answer will come to you.  Not everything has to be done today. Not every emotional circumstance needs to be resolved today. Breathe, take time and enjoy where you are at this time. Right.Now.

Are there good men in the church?  Of course!  However, pay attention to your emotional and spiritual condition.  In my case I was a young, single mother of two. I was newly Christian and raised under EXTREMELY dysfunctional circumstances.  I had a lot to learn and was impressionable. I was perfect bait for a narcissist and I bit!

So if you have met Mr. Wonderful in church (or anywhere for that matter), this is a good time to take a self-inventory:

Do I feel comfortable in my own skin?

  • Am I speaking my truth daily?
  • Do I have a daily conversation with my Savior?
  • Am I committed to the life I am living?
  • Has there been enough time to heal from deep emotional wounds in my life?
Then speak to a spiritual counselor/pastor/prayer partner.  Discuss your inventory results, ask for prayer, and be accountable to this person.  Remember, this spiritual counselor is also human and as humans we do not know everything. What I mean by this, is your decisions are not to be made by others. God first always. This person will have input and can be a good confirming outlet. Trust your Spirit always.  You will know.

While all this is going on, consider what you can offer to others.  Can you be a sounding board/prayer partner to someone else? Can you donate some time to your community or church?  Get out of yourself.  Most importantly, don’t take yourself so seriously.  Get out and have fun!

“Wake up, wake up, Deborah! Wake up, wake up, break out in song!” – Judges 5:12

Snow and Bubbles

An evening at the Ameristar Resort and Casino with my hubby.

There is a rooftop outdoor jacuzzi at this fine establishment. We decided to check it out instead of the usual surrendering of our finances to “the house”. It was about 10:00 PM when we shivered over to the hot tub and stepped in. Less than a minute later, it started to snow.

Ah the feeling of a heated bubble bath while trying to catch snowflakes with my tongue. The hubby and I snuggling, giggling and enjoying the moment. No social media, no pictures taken and posted to Facebook later. A memory that will only live in our minds and in our hearts.

We have just celebrated 3 years of marriage and have fallen into one of many ruts that occur during the span of marriage. It has been a difficult year financially for us and we were unable to take our annual vacations.  Fortunately, his mother decided to treat us to a night at the Ameristar.

There is no doubt that we love each other. Sometimes, as we get caught up in our careers, home projects and family issues, words enter our minds but fail to leave our lips. Thoughts of how grateful we are for the difficult times as well as the good times. How we struggled so much in the beginning and faced many traumatic experiences. The miscarriage, family deaths, my many surgeries and my struggle with Gastroparesis (losing 65 lbs. due to my inability to eat).

His affair with another woman while we were engaged and how that strengthened, rather than defeated us. How it made us BOTH deal with our commitment issues and then making the ultimate commitment – Marriage.

The drive home from our trip brought these words out and we remembered together, adding one more memory to the list: The one of snow and a bubbling hot tub, being close to each other – Physically, emotionally and spiritually.

Lazy, Unmotivated, Distracted or Just got a lot on my mind?

Taking the day off to hang out with the hubby. So far I have done Yoga, Abhyanga, hung out in the steam tent and now having my morning coffee.

I would love to clean the house before we head out to the mountains. Yet, I find myself scrolling through a multiple amount of motivational memes on Facebook.  They are starting to become a distraction. Like, don’t we already know this stuff? Don’t we already live it? It is indeed the same stuff over and over.  And I find they sometimes encourage poor behavior.

We women can be bad asses, but we don’t have to be. And we certainly don’t have to be bad asses 24-7.  Social media can be very addicting and  time consuming.

I think about some of the videos that shame men for trying to talk to women walking by and I am annoyed.  Today’s women don’t experience what the women in the workforce before me did. Sexual harassment was real and ugly. Not saying it doesn’t happen anymore but I feel we have become over sensitive.

I feel that when people think of women’s causes they think only of abortion and birth control.  Not seeing the desire to earn what we are worth in the workforce. Wanting some respect for our talents.  Still there are many companies that have evolved into good cultures that provide these very things.  So maybe we don’t win in the political spectrum, but awareness has been raised. Maybe the companies that don’t feel “forced” to do this by the government will want to do this because it is just the right thing to do. I believe there are far more good CEO’s out there than bad.

Ah…..the last sip of my coffee and  I am off to the mountains.


The Fall Season

The season of letting go. Putting projects aside and preparing for a Winter rest.

Recently, I have approached the Ayurvedic lifestyle. It has been an interesting journey. I see my imbalances and work on them with diligence. I love how it is based on the seasons. Not difficult to understand, a bit difficult to apply. When I follow the process, things go rather well. I get enough rest, do not feel bloated and I don’t snap at people.

Participated in a 7 day cleanse, which brought back painful memories of when I was starving during the four years I suffered from Gastroparesis. I realize my relationship with food is a bit tense right now.  Still, I have let go of my sugar, bread and processed foods intake considerably.

I have discovered date syrup. Yum. Wonderful in coffee!

Speaking of letting go, I just let go of some toxic family members this week. For sanity sake I find this is what is best. I know it is only temporary and if there is need for absolution, I am sure there is a meme on Facebook that would help…..

I love wearing scarves. Fall is a good time for big, fluffy, warm scarves. So many colors; Rust, Red, Brown, Yellow, Orange. The warmth reminds me of cinnamon, nutmeg and ginger. All, tasting so good in a warm cup of milk.

Driving to work this morning, seeing that the leaves have all fallen….I must admit it is now time for snow to fall and make things pretty again. Of course now that the Republicans have taken over, the whole world is going to sh!t and that probably won’t happen right? Well, you win some you lose some and the world keeps moving. There is nothing new under the son. Keep the faith in your causes, keep speaking up, and voting. But for today…..Easy Does it