Recovery – Living Elysian

Super Blue Blood Moon – Entering the Spotlight

January 31, 2018January 8, 2019 EVLeave a comment

I am not an astrologist and rarely view my horoscope for anything else besides entertainment. Yet, a few women, whose words I cherish have made a similar statement. One of the Super Blue Blood Moon’s effects will be shining the spotlight on ALL that we are. Be prepared to be exposed, the good and the bad. This will definitely serve its purpose by allowing us to let go of what no longer serves us. Mentally, Emotionally, Physically and Spiritually.

I recently shared my cowardice in being vulnerable with letting a remarkable man know me…really know me. Today, I’m over it. Good timing, since we will be spending next week together.

Today, I welcome the thought of his embrace, the feeling of his breath on my shoulder as we lean in close to one another. He will also know my touch, breathing, noises, weird faces, and (yikes!) ….my scent!

“Yeah baby, yeah baby, I come to dance with you

Yeah baby, yeah baby, are you ready?” – Kano

I’m ready!

Elysia, how did you arrive here so quickly? I’m glad you asked! In addition to my daily prayers, here three key observations I have made through this process:

A Strong Support System

Being that this is a long-distance relationship, taking some time off was simple. Not easy. Having good friends to lean on, talk to and play completely inappropriate games with is imperative.

While taking some alone time for self-reflection is good, one should avoid loneliness. In addition, being alone for too long makes one take themselves too seriously. What a drag.

Thankfully, I have the best group of friends one could imagine. For better or worse, (and we have seen it all in each other), we stand together and are present for one another.

Mindfulness

Another part of this newfound bravery has been my return to practicing mindfulness. Taking the time to experience my senses; While I’m walking the dogs – feeling the cold breeze on my skin, listening to my footsteps, and smelling the smoke from the neighbor’s chimneys.

Though nature walks can be inspiring, I’ve also applied mindfulness to my work; Listening to the scroll and click of my mouse, the tapping of my keyboard, giving attention to my sitting posture, & the pleasing scent of brewing coffee.

Additionally, housework is a useful activity to practice mindfulness. I learned a lot while residing at the Ashram in Hawaii. Seva (selfless service) is done with minimal talking. We would either listen to Kirtan or chant while working. The goal was not to get as much done in 30 minutes as it was being mindful of our actual work. After the 30-minute bell was rung, we stopped cleaning whether we were finished or not.

Acknowledging Our Shadows

We all have them. Ignoring our shadows or dark personalities doesn’t make them go away. We can only improve that which we can see.

Fall of 1986: I had just got my paycheck at a job I hated. In addition, my mother and I had a nasty argument right before my shift. So, I quit my job, cashed my check and bought a handle.

I decided to surprise my then boyfriend but he wasn’t home. This did not bother me in the least. One of his friends was hanging outside and we drank together. Platonic juvenile drinking of course. At some point, we decided to go get high. I don’t remember much about how we managed to get to a motel on Sunset Blvd. in Hollywood.

There I was, with a bunch of men I didn’t know, in a motel room smoking crack. But the God-shot in all of this – Every single man in that room had only one thing on their mind; getting high. Really, these were the most polite and kind crackheads I would ever meet outside of the rooms of recovery. I found myself in the bathroom puking my guts out and they were bringing in water and wet cloths trying to comfort me in between hits.

This could have ended up very badly. I might not be here typing this story. But instead, I made it home alive and safe.

I’ve been to some dark places. These days, my shadows are not as grim. However, they do exist as life evolves. More is always revealed. If I am willing to take an honest look with an open mind.

So today, I am ready to enter the spotlight, with courage. Mindfully, no longer hiding my shadows, and knowing I have a good support system in place. The sweetest thing; knowing there is a strong soul of a man who wants to know me inside and out. Just as I am ready to know him.

Welcome the Super Blue Blood Moon to shine on our wholeness and assist our letting go of what no longer serves us.

Stay Blissful My Friends – E

PS. I have created a Moonsong Playlist on Spotify which I would love to share with you for your listening pleasure.

Vulnerability is Not A Safe Place

January 14, 2018January 27, 2019 EV1 Comment

LivingElysian, Yoga, Spirituality, Quality of Life

I’m a coward. At least for today.

A few years ago, Brené Brown’s Rising Strong became an all-consuming topic on social media. The memes continue to be shared by many today. These words were incredibly powerful. I wanted in!

Of course, it was easy to live these words in my decision to leave my long-term position at an amazing company to start my own business. Business is an easy place for Elysia to be “Brave”.

Of course, it was easy to live these words in a loveless marriage, where the walls I had spent many years tearing down began their reconstruction.

Of course, it was easy to live these words as I walked away from said loveless marriage and chose to live by myself in an RV down by the river.

“Vulnerability is the core, the heart, the center, of meaningful human experiences.” – Brené Brown

Sounds good yeah? Well no. Not for me. Vulnerability is not a safe place for me. Not today. Don’t get me wrong. I have complete admiration for Brené Brown. I follow her on Twitter and Facebook. I especially admired a picture she posted of herself with no makeup, no filter. This lead to a personal decision to stop wearing makeup and embracing the gray. Accepting what one looks like is true courage. This too was easy.

But when it comes to Love, true Love…Nothing is ever easy.

Too Soon?

So, I met a guy…Not just any guy. A remarkable man with a strong spirit. Chivalrous, funny, intelligent, brilliant…the list goes on. This was NOT planned. I fell hard and fast. Well, maybe not too fast but exceptionally fast for me.

We are two extremely different people. He is conservative, preppy even. I am this wild woman spirit. He does not partake in my colorful language, does not do Yoga. Yet we connect on so many fundamental levels. And what an incredible writer he is – totally kicks my a$$, I might add. After many months of experiencing zero inspiration, I found myself passionate again about putting words together.

This gift came with distance, he lives on the East Coast and I am here in Colorful Colorado. Safe enough, yeah? No. I frequently found my heart being pulled in the direction of the east. Daydreaming, listening to love songs…and we had only hugged once.

He surprised me by flying out to Hawaii to celebrate my recent Advanced Yoga Teacher Training graduation. It was on now! We embarked on a most passionate love affair, the likes of which I had never known. Soaking in the Big Island experience, we spent 5 days of bliss, laughter, and total comfort with one another.

He was a trooper, staying the first 2 nights with me at a hippy shack I rented in Pahoa (not knowing I would have a guest), before deciding we needed to move on to a bed and breakfast in Captain Cook.

I can’t remember having laughed so much. Corny jokes, silly pet names…what a blast! And so much love. People could see it, often commenting to us how “cute” and “in love” we were.

Has it been the most ideal of romances? No. But just right. Just Elysian. Irregardless 😊 of the distance, he has been present with me at each given moment.

We made plans to see each other when we could. A 5-day visit last week here in Colorado. Hawaii again next month, then the Spring, many different possibilities. Our visit last week was euphoric for the most part, and then…

Vulnerability

Wait, what happened? How did I let myself go this way? This man knows me. He has seen my messy hair, my imperfections. My snoring, drooling, clumsy, cellulite, needing a haircut Elysia. Then there is my inept ability to let my “street” come out every now and then, using “ain’t” and combining words that make absolutely no sense to anyone else but me.

And what do I really know about him? What if he’s a womanizer? If he were, would I still love him? The answer is an unapologetic “Yes”.

I know enough to keep my side of the street clean and to trust someone until that trust has been abused. I also know that expectations are future resentments. I have a past. We all do. So, I choose not to judge what I don’t have 100% knowledge of in any circumstance.

We agreed to take a short break. Then this watery substance starts to flow out of my eyes. Oh hell no.

Trainwreck

I just watched Trainwreck (again) with my daughter last night and found myself admiring the main character in the beginning of the show. “Maybe I should move to New York and be a slut“, I said to my daughter. “There’s no shame in being who you are and accepting it”. To which, my daughter replied, “If that were what you are mom, I would support it. But that’s not you”.

Dammit.

Additionally, I forgot that Trainwreck is not just a comedy but a rom-com. The leading lady meets a man who is so different from her – he is quite conservative. This is sounding all too familiar and when the male lead talks of Norman Rockwell and his love of Billy Joel, my head starts to hurt. “I need to turn this off.”, I say to my daughter. She steals the remote from me.

I’m totally feeling it when the female lead expresses her concerns about vulnerability with her sister. Though she uses a far more colorful analogy than even I would use (can you imagine?). The movie rolls on and the couple breaks up. Now, this makes sense to me. Alas, with every rom-com there is the makeup scene and everyone lives…

This is so not real! Monogamy is not realistic. People do not live happily ever after. Am I bitter? No. More jaded, more careful than anything.

Vulnerability Part II

The last two years of my marriage were so easy. My ex-husband didn’t love me and I knew where I stood. No questions to ask. Safety.

I have indeed, fought with my monsters. But am I ready to take this journey of vulnerability? Why complicate things by getting lost in emotion? Tomorrow is another day. So for today, I am a coward, comfortable in the safe place of my fear.

Fortunately, I do not have to sit in my fear alone. Having a good group of friends, who love me unconditionally, is my saving grace.

For today, I would rather take a drink than be vulnerable. In fact, the thought of being vulnerable makes me crave a drink. Good thing it is time for a meeting, where I can surround myself in the safety of my GOD.

Stay Blissful My Friends – E

St. Constantine and Helen – Greece

June 25, 2017June 25, 2017 EVLeave a comment

About Helen and St. Constantine

St. Helen was born at Drepanum (Helenopolis) in Asia Minor. Married to Constantius Chlorus, their son St. Constantine the Great, was born in 274. Helen & Constantius were divorced in 294.

Constantine out of great honor and respect, granted his mother the imperial title “Augusta,” after he became emperor,

St. Constantine issued the Edict of Milan in 313 when he became the sole ruler of the Western Roman Empire. This guaranteed religious tolerance for Christians. It is believed that St. Helen, who was a Christian, may have influenced him in this decision. He also extended the provisions of the Edict of Milan to the Eastern half of the Empire. Christians could finally practice their faith without fear after three hundred years of persecution.

It is said that there are more churches than people in the village of Vothonas, where we were staying. This is easy to believe as one walks through the town. We passed more churches than we could count. Consequently, the cave house we were renting was across the street from what is known as “The Big Church”.

On the morning of May 21, 2017, while lounging, we heard what sounded like gunshots! I hit the floor (my natural reaction from living in the ghetto!)

My brother and I ran to the front of the house to see what was happening. It was a Church Celebration in honor of St. Constantine and Helen! We watched as several hundred participants walked in honor of these saints. It was a touching moment. I was honored to be able to see it up close and personal.

Love and Tolerance

For many years, Love and Tolerance has been my code. This sometimes means being tolerant of the intolerant. It may sound passive, but serenity is disrupted when one succumbs to anger and resentment.

Nowadays, in the U.S. there seems to be a lot of intolerance. Surprisingly, most come from the Christian community. Maybe this is fear based. No community wants their right to be taken away. God forbid that Christians might be persecuted in this great nation.

However, we must not let fear motivate us. Lest we succumb to the atrocious behaviors of historical intolerance.

I believe love and tolerance start within our homes, our neighborhoods, and our communities. Last month, the U.S. pulled out of the Paris Climate Control Agreement. Many were wailing gloom and doom projections. On the other hand, state and local governments were committing to hold to the agreement regardless.

Commitment from the grass roots! Sometimes political battles are lost. But the commitments don’t have to be. Thus, we can apply the practice of love and tolerance even if we don’t believe our government is.

Love, tolerance, unity, and empathy are not political policies. They are emotion and behavior first. How can you see yourself applying these values within your home and community? Talk to me…and stay blissful my friends – E

When the Past Stops by to Say Hello

July 31, 2016April 8, 2017 EVLeave a comment

Photo by Satyam Ehinger – Konalani Shambhava Yoga

We are having our first group check-in. Abhaya and Satyam explained to us that usually around this time in the training, past emotional events might come up. They asked us each to share if this had happened. I shared my gratitude to Alexa for covering me during clean up because I was having “medication” issues and went straight to bed at 5PM, missing dinner and my chores. There was not much brought up at this check in.

However, the next day as a few of us were sitting around during one of our breaks, I came clean with a memory that popped up in my head as I was falling asleep the night before. Everyone at the Ashram knows I have a history of domestic violence and I felt that I was in a safe place to share this:

I was about 3 or 4 and had my first “boyfriend”. I believe his name might have been Joey and he was either my age or a few years older. We played behind the big couch in my living room and peck-kissed each other.

One night, he slept over and we both woke up very early. I remember the filtered light through the curtains and the stuffy smell of a home with closed windows and lots of bodies living within its walls. The house was still, as everyone was asleep. We went down to the kitchen and Joey turned on the stove. He placed a butter knife over the flame and then on my arm. “Does this hurt?” he asked. I shook my head “no”. He then placed the knife on the flame longer, then back onto my arm. I screamed so loud, I woke up the whole house, possibly the whole neighborhood.

burners_by_katastrophey — Source: DeviantArt.com Photo by Kara Pritchard

I have no idea what my dad did about it and would always be afraid to ask. I do know the boy was never a house guest again. I still have the scar on my arm to remind me of this event.

Back then, in the 70’s, parents would have smacked that kid into the next week, not realizing how much help he probably needed. Are we able to see this behavior in children at such a young age now? I truly hope so. I have no resentments toward that young man. I pray he received the help he obviously was in desperate need of.

In addition, I wondered if this might have set the wheels in motion for my ability to find myself in abusive relationships throughout the earlier part of my life. Might this have set the precedent for how I expected to be treated? I have no idea, I am not a psychologist. Just pondering the idea.

What a gift, to have people in which, I could share this very personal information. Nobody could actually relate or have any answers to my questions. Yet my classmates gave me exactly what I needed – compassion.

Sometimes, all we need is an ear to hear our story, not necessarily to be fixed by some bumper sticker quote. Don’t get me wrong. I love bumper stickers! Yet there are occasions that silent eye contact and possibly a hug is all that is necessary.

If we want to take it further for our friend, we can always pray, chant, and send good energy.

Stay Blissful My Friends – E

Sexual Assault Awareness Month – Day 7

April 8, 2016April 8, 2016 EVLeave a comment

SAVA-PA-EVALDIVIA8

Sexual Assault is real, there is much I can write about it but I came across some videos that speak closely to our hearts and minds. Namaste.

Thank you, Lady Gaga, for this beautiful song:

Men are crucial in the prevention of Sexual Assault. If you are a man, don’t just be a bystander, step up and say something.

Stop Blaming the Victim (Survivor)

And for all, Women and Men I strongly suggest you read “The Gift of Fear” by Gavin de Becker. Below, he discusses a portion of his book with Oprah Winfrey:

Sexual Assault Awareness Month

March 31, 2016April 2, 2016 EVLeave a comment

So, first things first. Some exciting news: I have begun my training with Alternatives to Violence to become a Victim’s Advocate!

The training is intense, four hours each night after I get off from work. But it goes by rather quickly, as we are a very involved group.

Last night, we were given a training by the SAVA (Sexual Assault Victims Advocate) Center based in Fort Collins, Co. SAVA is an excellent community organization and they have many events planned for the month of April. You can find out more about SAVA and Sexual Assault by clicking here.

One of their most intriguing upcoming events is the Faces Project:

So many of us are lead to believe that we deserved to be assaulted.

Because of the way we dress, being out when we shouldn’t have been.

Some of us were too naive.

Either way. If you are sexually assaulted, it is not your fault.

I repeat, IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT.

At our training, we discussed facts vs. myths and there were some surprise facts and some not so surprise facts…I cannot put this in better words, so here are a few:

MYTH: Sexual assault is provoked by the victim. Victims ask for it by their actions, behaviors, or by their dress.
FACT: Studies indicate that the majority of sexual assaults are at least partially planned in advance. Sexual assault is not a spontaneous crime of sexual passion. It is a violent attack on an individual using sex as a weapon to defile, degrade, and destroy a victim’s will and control over her or his body. For the victim, it is a humiliating, traumatizing situation.

MYTH: Only certain kinds of women get sexually assaulted. Only “bad girls” get sexually assaulted.
FACT: Rapists choose their victims without regard to physical appearance. Victims are of every type, age, race, moral persuasion, and socioeconomic class. Ages of reported victims range from 6 months to 93 years old.

MYTH: Sexual assault is a minor crime affecting only a few women. Its significance is exaggerated.
FACT: Current reports indicate that, nationally, 1 in 4 women and 1 in 6 men will be sexually assaulted at some point in their lives. However, less than 40% of sexual assaults are reported to the police. 125,910 sexual assaults were reported in 2009.

MYTH: Rape and sexual assault only occurs in large cities.
FACT: Sexual assault happens everywhere–in cities, suburbs, and rural areas. Unfortunately, small communities are less likely to have the range of services available than in urban settings.

MYTH: Women frequently cry “rape” (i.e., there is a high rate of false reporting).
FACT: False reports make up only 2-8% of sexual assault reports, equal to or less than any other major crime. While some victims later recant, it’s important to remember that there are lots of reasons why victims of sexual assault never even report the crime or may be influenced to rescind initial accounts.

MYTH: Most sexual abuse of boys is perpetrated by gay men.
FACT: Sexual offenders come from all educational, occupational and cultural backgrounds. They are “ordinary” and “normal” individuals who sexually assault victims to assert power and control over them.[1]

Awareness

So, how can we be better informed? Awareness. Get the facts, follow your due diligence and not assumptions.

If you are a movie lover, here is a clip from a film that touches on Sexual Assault:

Sexual Assault is a serious issue cross-culturally. Please remember the women, children and yes, even men survivors of sexual assault in your daily prayers and meditations.

Whatever you do, please do not judge. We are all fighting our own battles. This month, we focus on those who have been sexually victimized.

Much love and peace to you today my dear friends. – E

http://savacenter.org/about/sexual-assault-101/

Amazing Symbolism of the Number 3

July 16, 2015June 11, 2019 EVLeave a comment

5694815834_8b64106301_z — Photo Credit: Sallie The Cape Lady

The profoundness of the number three is astonishing! There is much I already knew about it and much I have recently learned.

As a mother of three, this number has often peaked my interest. When I was young, I wanted to someday have three children, two boys, and a girl. As fate would have it, I got what I asked for. Each child I have has brought me joy, laughter, and tears. Worth it, everyone!

So I compiled a little research into this number because, while I don’t claim to know everything I do try to anyway. For your reading pleasure:

Biblical Symbolism of the Number 3

Three is the number associated with the Godhead, for there are “three persons in one God.”
Three times is the blessing given in Numbers 6:23, 24:

“The LORD bless thee and keep thee (the Father);

The LORD make His face shine upon thee, and be gracious unto thee (the Son);

The LORD lift up His countenance upon thee and give thee peace” (the Holy Spirit).

Three is a number of RESURRECTION, for it was on the third day that Jesus rose again from the dead.

Other Religious and Cultural Symbolism of the Number 3

Hindu: creation/destruction/preservation, unfolding/maintaining/concluding
Taoist: Great Triad: Heaven/Human/Earth
From the Buddhist tradition, comes “The Triple Gem” or “The Three Jewels,” which is the Buddha (the enlightened one), the Dhamma (the teachings), and the Sangha (the community of followers).
According to the Chinese, 3 is a perfect number;
To the Mayan, the sacred number of woman.
Egyptians see it as the number of the cosmos.
Japanese: 3 Treasures – truth/courage/compassion
A tattoo many Latinos get representing their culture and pride in being Latino. The tattoo is formed by three dots in a triangular formation located on the web of the hand between the thumb and index finger. It can also be placed at the bottom corner of one eye. The three dots stand for “Mi vida loca” or “My crazy life”. (Urban Dictionary)

From <http://www.shawlministry.com/significance_of_three.htm>

6833492899_df050ec4b7_z — Photo Credit: John

In Recovery:

The symbol of the circle and triangle is an ancient spiritual symbol meaning mind, body, and spirit together as one.

In AA, this symbol represents the three parts of the program (recovery, unity, service) which are the solutions to the three-part disease of alcoholism (physical, mental and spiritual). The circle surrounding the triangle represents Alcoholics Anonymous as a whole.

Furthermore, the three below concepts have been shared throughout the Fellowship of Recovery:

We Came

The first action was walking into the Rooms of Recovery. We might not have even heard a word that was spoken that day. But the energy, camaraderie and the spirituality was enough to convince us to keep coming back.

We Came To

This would be the First step. Understanding our Powerlessness and Unmanageability. Though many of us thought we were in control of our lives while in active addiction, we were now able to see how far from the truth this was. Our eyes were finally opened!

We Came To Believe

Yep, it all comes back to God. We came to believe in a Power greater than ourselves. Funny how that works out right?

Today I wish you 3 things: Love, Peace and of course – Bliss!

Stay Blissful My Friends – E

Mondays with Michael

June 22, 2015 EVLeave a comment

11108317_10205888903933415_8353820451753348417_n — Michael T. Clark has graciously agreed to share his lovely words of poetry on my blog every Monday. Going forth, this day shall be deemed “Monday’s With Michael”. So let it be said, so let it be done. – E

Peace – by Michael T. Clark

As I walk up the mountain all alone,
I realize I’m at peace, this is my inner home,
I hear the insects, the birds, and the trees,
One with nature, this is how I fight my disease,
As the water flows through the stream,
My mind is calm, this must be a dream,
I feel the love pounding in my heart,
So blessed God gave me a fresh start,
The dirt and rocks under my feet, this is the foundation of the Universe that I seek,
My thoughts are so clear, not only do I see the beauty, I can hear,
The wind blows as I travel the path,
My cells are cleansed, like a warm bath,
This is the solitude that I seek,
Thank you life, I’ve found peace…
Live 2 Love…

Stay Blissful my Friends – E