Family – Living Elysian

She-Shedding Emotional Excess

March 4, 2019March 5, 2019 EVLeave a comment

2019 has become the year of shedding excess for me. Remarkably so, this theme has been communicated to me through, prayer, meditation, yoga, and Netflix. All in January 2019. I hear you, God!

Therefore, I am sharing this part of my journey for the next few blog posts. I have outlined my she-shedding as follows:

Emotional
1. “Responsibilities” to Family & Friends
2. Circle of “Friends”
3. Fear
Physical
1. Hair
2. Weight
3. Clothes
4. SHOES!!
5. Home
6. Yoga Practice
Career
1. Number of Clients
2. Amount of “Busy Work”
Spiritual
1. Empathetic Attacks
2. Sex
3. The Overwhelming amount of “Inspirational” Facebook Groups

For today’s blog, let’s focus on shedding emotional excess:

“Your emotions are the slaves to your thoughts, and you are the slave to your emotions.”
― Elizabeth Gilbert

The summer of 2018 was not an easy one for me. I was selling my home and moving from Colorado. It was time. I had planned to move to Hawaii but took a detour to West Texas. I found a love for this little town and its community. Things run slower and it is much quieter than Loveland, Colorado.

Unfortunately, some of my friends and family felt I was abandoning them. This pulled on my “responsible” apron strings. And shit got ugly. I can’t remember feeling so guilty about “doing me”…well ever. People said I was chasing after my new love. Not true. He and I decided to hang in West Texas for a couple of months, while I decided what I wanted to do. Since we both travel, we decided to make our RV in West Texas our landing spot.

The gift of this relationship: No unrealistic expectations or responsibilities. However, my guilty feelings over the summer flowed into our vibe from time to time. On one such day, at a carnival, I could not bring myself to smile. If you know me, I smile a lot sooo…

It was time to set my friends and family free to make their own decisions. Time for them too experience their own journeys. Regardless, of my desire to “fix” everyone else’s problems. I need to do the things I have feared my whole life.

Thus, I let them go. Of course, I let them go with a blessing and not a curse. Regardless, I did experience frustration and shake my fist at times. I am human after all. This began my process of shedding emotional excess.

But Elysia, How do I Shed Emotional Excess?

I’m so glad you asked! As have always been instructed by my advisors: First thing you do is pray. But faith without works is dead. Therefore, action must follow…

Service Work to Others – Just because my life seems like shit, doesn’t mean that others who have it better than me. Absolutely not! Being present and offering an ear to someone else surely gets me out of my own BS.
Staying True to Commitments – Life continues no matter what. Suit up and show up, even if it is just to shut up…
Focus – When we are emotional, we can certainly be effective. We have emotional energy. Use it!

And personally, most importantly:

There are no victims, only volunteers

I took a 2-month trip to South America to be alone for a while and reflect. Speaking with my boyfriend on the phone, I recognized that I didn’t handle the summer of 2018 so well. But now I was getting a do-over – celebrating Summer Solstice the second time. I was not going to let history repeat itself twice in one year!

Suddenly, I observed how I had re-developed the victim role. WITAF?!!
I had been playing victim during the whole summer in the states! What an effin’ waste of time! Precious time, I might add.

Just to be clear, there are benefits of being a victim – people feel sorry for me, the person who upset me might send gifts…etc.

Therefore, I took some time to identify the pros and cons of being a victim. Not surprisingly, the cons outweighed the pros. How could I be the warrior queen I say I am and be a victim at the same time? I cannot.

Consequently, I stopped letting people talk to me a certain way. This is not easy. Indeed, it takes courage. But we do teach others how to treat us. Stepping up and standing up for myself is essential.

None of this is new. I have known this for a long time. I guess revisiting this lesson was in order. Just to make sure that being a victim still does not serve me, I’m sure.

While in Punta Hermosa, Lima, Peru, I rediscovered my courage to face the power of the waves. I have always had a love for swimming in the ocean. But I also have a reverent fear of its strength. I wanted to swim further. Swimming into the waves, I ate shit a few times. Then enjoyed the glory of floating far from the shore… That moment, that day I shed some excess – fear.

Do you “feel” the need to shed excess emotional excess? If so, comment below. And stay blissful my friends.

Things People are Asking

December 16, 2018December 16, 2018 EVLeave a comment

…What they are asking me – the woman who is traveling alone. Their Questions and my answers.

I’m in my second year post-divorce. What have I learned? So much, I have to gather my thoughts quite often.

I have learned that I enjoy traveling. I love to travel with the boyfriend. I love to travel alone. Presently, I am in the midst of a 2 1/2 month solo visit to South America.

Unusual Lifestyle?

I am also learning how this new lifestyle scares the hell out of some people. Or at least confuses the hell out of them. It’s become a fun little game of question and answer… or unsolicited statement and unsolicited reply.

Next time you should experience this with someone you love.
1. I am experiencing this with someone I love – Me.
Who is driving you around?
1. The bus driver.
Be careful!!
1. Of course.
Aren’t you lonely?
1. Sometimes. But everyone should experience loneliness from time to time. It helps one appreciate the presence of others.
Do you need help with that?
1. I sure do. Thank you!
Do you miss home?
1. I am home.

So, I don’t mind the questions or comments. Like everything else in my life, I just have fun with them!

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Ultimately, I am having a fine time. Meeting new friends. Staying in and binge-watching shows without being judged. Walking through city squares at night, people watching. Lots of Café con Leche!

Ecuador has become my new favorite place. Olon, in particular. But Lima, Peru has its charm as well.

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Staying Connected

My daughter and I have a scheduled weekly chat to check in about our lives and new adventures. And there’s the occasional text to and from my sons. My oldest will be joining me in Peru to celebrate Christmas. I miss my kids. Yet, I am so happy that they are all living their truth. Experiencing their personal journeys.

I really miss my granddaughters deeply. Thankfully, they are in good hands. My son and his wife are an excellent team as parents.

I really really miss the boyfriend. Fortunately, we have this understanding: We welcome these pauses in our relationship. No, It’s not an open relationship. We just are okay being apart and being alone at times.

Plans and Lessons

There were many plans made for this trek through South America. Unfortunately, it didn’t all work out according to said plans. But it never does. The back is injured again, interrupting surfing lessons. And I was doing so well! So I guess I will try again next year. 2019 is on its way, regardless of whether I give it permission to do so.

Then there’s the “shedding the excess” lessons. This need is surely what this trip is uncovering. And I have learned, more importantly, to ask myself some questions:

Are you being you – living your truth?
Are you living according to your values?
Have you reviewed your values lately?
Can you be happy regardless of any circumstance?
Are you sincerely ready to let go of the past?

These questions are being answered along this journey through South America. I guess discovery is what adventure is all about, right? Stay Blissful My Friends. – e

Going With The Flow

February 19, 2017October 28, 2019 EV1 Comment

When I was a child, my stepfather would often tell me that I had a cry-laugh. This is because, I would be crying one moment and laughing the next, while still trying to hold on to the crying. Then I would just surrender into the laughter. I went with the flow.

Going With The Flow

This type of emotional transition is easier as a child. We were willing to go with the flow. More so than as we grow older. We would rather hang on to our resentments and anger as if they were our security blankets.

What could possibly go wrong if we just let go of said anger and resentment? We might experience joy…bliss. Can we handle that? I think so.

Against The Flow

There is a movement known as “Against the Flow”. This movement is more on a social level and has its place. However, this blog touches on the emotional level. So please don’t be confused.

Tears and Laughter

Just as anyone else, I have experienced much of these two emotions. Most specifically, when I suffered from Gastroparesis for three years. Some days, I felt like rolling into a ball and crying. But I had to show up for work. So I waited until I got home to do so.

Sharing this on Facebook with the G-Pact group was essential. One night, I had to drink a ginormous drink called “Go-Lightly”. The discussion I started on the page brought about many jokes. “Go-Lightly” is a terrible name for this drink. There is nothing light about it. The group teased me about my favorite mantra “This too shall pass”! They encouraged me through my tears of pain and laughed with me. One lady suggested pouring the drink into many shot glasses and pretending I was enjoying it. “Go, Elysia! Go, Elysia!Go, Elysia!” was posted ha!

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Let it Flow

If you need to cry, then cry. If you need to laugh, then laugh. Emotions are our God-Given right, as well as part of our natural design. Don’t fight it. Let it flow…and Stay Blissful My Friends – E

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Within Reach

November 12, 2016 EV2 Comments

Unity, harmony, and mutual respect, are just within reach of us at this moment. Are we ready to grasp ahold of these? Sigh, I wish it to be true. So I start within my inner being. How can I contribute to better unification, harmony, and mutual respect?

There are many people with personalities that are in contrast to mine. Am I open to being more of a balancing color to theirs, rather than clashing and vying for all the attention? Might I listen more than talk at this person?

At this juncture in time, everyone is yelling and nobody is listening. There is pain, hurt, anger and fury. I have witnessed several family members bash each other on social media. It is quite disheartening to see such deep-seated resentment and division breeding amongst us.

What can we do to correct this situation?

Listen to each other. A very simple process. I was in marriage counseling years back and we tried a method using a wooden spoon. Whoever had the spoon in hand, got to speak. The other person had to listen. How easy is that?

Respect one another. Can you look at the other person with the realization that he/she is not a serial killer? Because most people aren’t.

Love each other. This takes a bit more work for some. I remember reading an article in the 90’s about a weekend experiment in which women who were pro-choice and women who were pro-life attended. Before the weekend began, the women were asked to write a list of what they thought of those on the other side of the spectrum. The one common word they used: Nazi. Wow.

Each person was assigned a counter person with opposite beliefs to partner with for the weekend. Their very first activity was to sit, cross-legged, facing one another. They were instructed not to say one word but to make eye contact with one another. Within minutes of this activity, the women began to cry and hug one another. Powerful.

If any of the women had changed their beliefs by the end of the weekend, it was not noted. That was not the point of the experiment. Many continued to stay in touch with their partner in friendship and in love.

Because we are spiritual beings, when we chose to look into the eyes of those who do not agree with us, most of us will react in love.

So my challenge to all, including myself is to focus and implement each one of these corrections one week at a time. Is the willingness to do so within reach?

Stay Blissful My Friends – E

Let Go, Keep Going, or Start Over

November 6, 2016November 7, 2016 EV4 Comments

I am not alone in knowing what it is like to be in a bad marriage. Said marriage lasted 16 years. Most likely 10 years too long. But I was young and tenacious. I also held the belief that divorce was the ultimate failure. I like to think I am older and wiser these days.

I also know what it is like to be in a long work situation, where things are constantly changing. Sometimes, the changes are difficult. Other times, change is much welcomed. The main constant would be the collaborative and diverse culture of my workplace. In addition, the challenges and continual opportunities to grow in knowledge, skills, and experience. Quality experience.

Fortunately, I have also known what it is like to start over. This can be the scariest decision of them all. Though worth it in every way possible. If you have never tried this, you might be due for some starting over.

They say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results. That would be the best description of my first marriage. Growth did not truly happen until those latter days when I started my plan to move on. For the most part, I was treated as a second-class citizen. No matter what accomplishment I made, it was reacted upon as another threat to our “family”. I fell for it several times. Until the day I realized that nothing was going to change. So I made the decision to do so.

We had just moved to Northern Colorado the year before and I had just landed the best job of my life. The husband decided to clear all the funds out of our account so that I would not have enough money to hire an attorney or move our kids out of the home. Fortunately, I had developed some strong resources. Nevertheless, I knew that it was going to be a long, difficult road.

andreaboldizsar — Photo by Andrea Boldizar

Of course, my family back in California suggested I come “home”. But I felt home. Moreover, I had this great job, which also provided me with another “family”. So I took a risk. I stayed put, held onto my job and got the divorce.

Several years have passed and I am still enjoying my position as Executive Assistant to the VP of Supply Chain. We have had good times, bad times, tough times, and short times to take a few breaths.

Five years ago, I entered into my second marriage. A completely different vibe in and of itself. Because I learned to teach others how to treat me as well as treating others how I want to be treated. Mutual respect. Was it scary to do this? Hell yes. Has it been worth it? More than anything I could have imagined. I found a husband who loves a lot of the things I do, as well as enjoys his own things. We are both fiercely independent, yet enjoy quality time together.

My husband has never been married. Yet I had, and I was not too interested in beginning a new marriage at first. Fortunately for me, neither was he. But we finally came to the conclusion that we wanted to grow old together. Thus, I started over again with the title “wife”. I am grateful for this decision to this very day.

What would be the difference between these situations, Elysia? I am glad you asked!

Let Go

When growth is stunted or downright reversing for a long stretch of time – Let go.
When you have exhausted all resources such as counseling and even prayer, and the behavior never changes – Let go.
When the circumstance or relationship affects all your other relationships with loved ones negatively for a long stretch of time – Let go.

Keep Going

When issues arise, yet progress is made and it sticks – Keep going.
When the momentum and commitment are aligned with your personal values – Keep going.
When you truly see the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel – Keep going.
When you are not in agreement but have full trust in the process – Keep going.

Start Over

When you have exhausted all of what should be and are ready for what actually is – Start over.
When you can have an open mind and clear vision – Start over.
When you fully trust your spiritual growth – Start over.
When you know you have a true passion for experiencing the unknown – Start over.

An important tool for deciding which path to take is a simple list of Pros and Cons. I know this from experience. Making a decision based on emotion is never a good idea. So time for reflection and research has always been extremely helpful to me in my decisions.

Where are you today? What is the first step you need to take toward making a decision? When you do indeed make the decision, stick to it.

Stay Blissful My Friends – E

When it’s Time to say “F*ck This”

October 9, 2016April 9, 2020 EV3 Comments

One of my favorite meditation videos is called “F*ck That: An Honest Meditation”. There is so much truth in this little gem of a film. Being that it is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, I have to reflect on the many times, I might have been better off just saying “F*ck This”!

In hindsight, I choose to say these two words as a form of continually empowering myself to be the spiritually strong, badass, warrior-queen that I am today.

He’s at my work all through my shift drinking coffee and letting my male customers know that I am his girlfriend. – F*ck This.
He warns me of organizations I might be remotely interested in, being too authoritative, lax, weird or maybe even cultish – F*ck This.
He associates a comment I have made to a good looking guy who just walked into the room – F*ck This.
He gives his ex-wife my phone number without asking or informing me about it, then proceeds to have a heated argument with her for 2 hours – on my phone! F*ck This.
His ex-wife is included in our holiday gatherings…including Mother’s Day. F*ck This.
He continues to struggle with decisiveness over me vs. another woman. Sometimes said other woman is his ex-wife. F*ck This.
He “jokingly” hits me in the face with the basketball. – F*ck This.
He is not interested in my successes or knowledge, rather compares me to other successful women. – F*ck This.
He is threatened by the kids and all the money I spend on them …after we go school shopping. – F*ck This.
He is threatened by a cookie when I express that it is “better than sex”. F*ck This.
Every time I gain a new friend, he accuses me of having an affair with her husband or he starts flirting with my friend, – F*ck This.
After 10 years together, he still shows up at my office with no notice and just walks down the hall without checking in with reception. F*ck This.
When the boys get older, he keeps throwing them out of the house because “they are trying to tear our marriage apart” – F*ck This.

Okay, I finally said “F*ck This.” But before I really commit to it:

He convinces me to give him another try, even takes me out dress shopping so we can renew our vows. We then announce it to the kids. Two days later, I am served with divorce papers.

So the nicest thing he ever did for me and my children was to say “F*ck This.” Because, the truth is, I was no gem of a wife. Regardless, I DID NOT DESERVE TO BE ABUSED – NOBODY DESERVES IT.

Nobody deserves to be gaslighted and have their minds f*cked with constantly. He wasn’t even cute. Well maybe sometimes. And sex was great whenever he was afraid of losing me.

I cringe at all the times he told me that he owned my p*ssy. Wait, what? Shouldn’t I have left then? Probably. But I didn’t. Furthermore, I no longer should on myself. And neither “should” you.

Time to move forward, or build your new foundation. Just don’t look back. You are better than that. The next time you find yourself thinking of what you coulda, woulda, shoulda, just say “F*ck This.”

Stay Blissful My Friends! – E

Honoring Mom and Dad

September 25, 2016 EVLeave a comment

momdad

“Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you. – Exodus 20:12

I once read that the number 21 represents Mother and Father. I am no expert in numerology but this thought has remained with me. Especially lately as I have applied the meditation practice I learned from the Ashram. After the Guru-Gita, we would meditate for 21 minutes.

Thinking about Mother and Father, male and female energy, Yin and Yang, Father God in Heaven and Mother Earth. Even in engineering parts, they design male and female parts, and some plants need to cross-pollinate. So many examples God has given us. For good reason. So we can reflect on the power of creation,

Today, I felt led to honor my parents. They may not have been the ideal mother and father, yet I believe they were exactly the parents God intended for my life.

Dad and I did not see each other for years at a time due to his incarcerations. Mom checked out quite a bit. Yet when I needed sage advice in my younger life, Dad was the one I turned to. After he passed away and I got sober, my mother became one of my best confidantes and friends.

My father never got to see the miracles in my life from sobriety. My mother did. When I got sober, I really had no thoughts of improving my relationship with mother. It was just an amazing added gift of the program and from God!

You may have had an absent parent or a terrible relationship with one or both. Perhaps, someone told you that your father was a “sperm donor”. Regardless, we all came from seed and egg. We can honor the two people who came together to create us anyway. This is a good practice we do for ourselves.

Because we were created from Spirit. God chose and used these two beings to create the wonderful being that is you. For that reason alone, we can find some way of honoring them.

Can you see yourself honoring your parents today? If not, what can you do to get closer to doing so?

Stay Blissful My Friends – E

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Domestic Violence/I Know

January 14, 2016January 14, 2016 EVLeave a comment

I know-PA-EVALDIVIA8

I found this worn out tattered paper with a poem I had written many years ago. It was during a particularly difficult time in my life. I was sitting with a group of women who were staying at a domestic violence safe house. Their stories were heartbreaking and powerful. I felt a great bond with each woman there. We lifted each other up and decided to write.

Back then, I had a strong desire to give back, or pay it forward to women who have experienced domestic abuse. Two of my kids were still under 18 and I spent the next few years raising them. I am now an empty nester.

Not believing in coincidences…I was recently contacted by Alternatives to Violence, a local organization in Northern Colorado. The director asked if they could use my poem on their website or Facebook page. Of course, I said, “Yes”. Further into our discussion, I expressed the desire to volunteer for ATV. She welcomed this and I submitted my application yesterday.

DV is something I have known my whole life. Thinking about this a lot the past few days. I penned another poem:

I knew a woman for a little while.

She had the most beautiful smile.

Her smile could almost distract you from her blackened eye.

I just could not understand why.

Who would want to hurt such a beautiful creature?

Is this what marriage is, would this be my future?

Everyone is so quick to judge,

Without knowing why a woman does what she does.

No one gave her a hand up or kind offer.

Instead, they chose to gossip about her.

I can still hear those unkind voices.

Whispering ugly tales about her poor choices.

Surely this last beating was her fault.

Of course, she deserved this recent assault.

But I saw her kindness and admired her strength.

To help a friend, she would go any length.

Though I only knew her for a little while.

She taught me rather well how to smile.

I look forward to continuing in my journey of lovingly encouraging all in their quest for inner peace while endeavoring to supportively empower spiritual living. I hope to pass on to others, that which was passed on to me by some pretty incredible women.

If you or someone you know are in an abusive relationship, there are wonderful resources out there to help you get out. Just reach out your hand and ask for help.

Stay Blissful My Friends – E

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Now about Living Amends

December 3, 2015January 18, 2018 EVLeave a comment

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My recent Hub post is all about making living amends. I feel the need to bring this topic to my blog.

A living amends is basically replacing poor behavior with good behavior. Here is the link to the detailed hub: http://hubpages.com/health/Making-Living-Amends.

I have had the wonderful opportunity to make some living amends myself and have regretted none.

Books About Making Amends:

Quotes About Making Amends

“It is the highest form of self-respect to admit our errors and mistakes and make amends for them. To make a mistake is only an error in judgment, but to adhere to it when it is discovered shows infirmity of character.” – Dale Turner

“Let a nation’s fervent thanks make some amends for the toils and sufferings of those who survive.” – Edward Everett

“Classic remorse, as all the moralists are agreed, is a most undesirable sentiment. If you have behaved badly, repent, make what amends you can and address yourself to the task of behaving better next time. On no account brood over your wrongdoing. ROLLING IN THE MUCK IS NOT THE BEST WAY OF GETTING CLEAN.” – Aldous Huxley

Stay Blissful My Friends! – E

Sunday Shot of Bliss IV.

June 14, 2015June 14, 2015 EVLeave a comment

Keep your feet on the ground and keep reaching for the stars. - Casey Kasem — Keep your feet on the ground and keep reaching for the stars. – Casey Kasem

When I was the little girl, I used to look up to stars and wish myself away from the violence and the chaos of my life. It helped to look up and away from all of the gravel and asphalt. Away from the angry people. Away from that man who used to pull a gun on me on my way to school and then pull the trigger. “Click”.

When I look at your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is man that you are mindful of him, and the son of man that you care for him? (Psalm. 8:3-4)

I always knew I would have a better life, even at such a young age. The stars were not my God, but a representation of the hope I would have in my God knowing someday that better life would be attained.

Source: http://whatwillmatter.com/2012/01/worth-seeing-beautiful-images-to-remind-you-to-spend-more-time-looking-at-the-stars-above-and-within/ — It is said that stars represent high hopes and great ideals. I like this concept!

There was a time when my hopes seemed so high. To live in a decent neighborhood, to have a nice home and a car that runs without having to push start it every day.

After all this came to pass, I realized just how not so high these hopes were. Again, I wanted better. I wanted to be better. To be a friend among friends, a worker among workers. To be a better parent to my children. To have something to offer others. To be of service to all of God’s creation.

My hopes and ideals are not too lofty, but they are bigger than myself. I cannot achieve them on my own. That is where a good support group, fellowship or whatever you want to call it comes in. The good news is that there are people who have lived this before and are more than happy to share with each other how they did it!

I have heard this song several times this week. I used to think it was a corny love song. Now as I hear the chorus “Waiting”. I realized this star could represent anything we are waiting on. A life partner, a job/career move, a home, retirement (gulp), the birth of a child, and for some of us just a better way of life (whatever that means).

Keep in mind that waiting, does not mean being slothful until said “star” arrives. We must work for it. If it just happened, how much would we appreciate it? Just like labor pains; though they are difficult to experience, how easily are they forgotten when that newborn baby is placed in our arms?

I understand labor and working while waiting. Sometimes, it seemed that a bad situation was never going to end. Or more concerning, potentially get worse…and sometimes it did.

Source: http://www.bhmpics.com/shooting_star-wallpapers.html

It is said that a shooting star represents a fleeting moment. “This too shall pass”. Thank you God for that one. If I didn’t have this cliché in the back of my head (and also tattooed on my shoulder), I would have lost my mind several years ago.

Are you waiting on a star to fall? Are you willing to work while you are waiting, to overcome the obstacles? Can you accept each circumstance along the way knowing “This too shall pass”? Will you share your experience and empower others along the way?

Stay Blissful My Friends – E