Why I Stopped Being So Damn Independent

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Would you believe this all happened while playing on the monkey bars?  I made this observation at six-years old: I already know more than my mom and my teachers so they had nothing to offer me. Therefore, I would figure this life thing out for myself.

I had no idea how I would go about this and not surprisingly made many errors along the way.  Well into my adulthood I might add…


“Sometimes I wonder where I’ve been Who I am, do I fit in * I may not win but I can’t be thrown * Out here on my own, out here on my own” – GORE, LESLEY / GORE, MICHAEL

This song was one of many theme songs I claimed for my life. Never feeling like the sharpest knife in the drawer, I counted on my survival instincts. Growing up in a home where we all were just trying to survive another day, my siblings and I were always at each other’s throats. Yet we were there for each other when shit came down. A typical dysfunctional family. I am so grateful for all my siblings today.


So what happens when you become too independent?

  • You get good at running away. I have hurt many people by doing just this. No excuses or rationalizations can ever change that. It’s painful to know the pain I have caused others. What I can do today is make my amends and stop behaving in this manner.
  • You avoid fully engaging in commitment. No vulnerability. Sounds nice, yeah? No. You miss out on the full experience of life. Good and bad.
  • You remain alone and on your own. This was a great desire for me. The problem? I have family. I have friends. They love me. They want me to be present in their lives. Today, I want the same thing.

Being so damn independent kept me strong insomuch as it kept others from hurting me. Being self-reliant meant I did not depend on anyone for anything. This is not a realistic way to live.  In my earlier writing “Independent yet Interdependent” I  remarked on our Universal connection. We are all in need of each other, whether we choose to acknowledge it or not.


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What happens when you become interdependent?

  • You will experience freedom! When I learned  to ask for help, I was relieved of all the pain I kept inside. No longer did I have to hide my truest self.
  • You are actually being of service by letting someone else be of service to you. Another paradox, I know. What can I say? The Universe is full of them.
  • You can make someone’s day!  When you pick up the phone to talk to someone, you are essentially asking for their help in listening to your words.
    • I remember the first time I called my mom for advice. I was in my late thirties. She exclaimed “Oh mija, I am so happy you are asking for my help”. I realized she always wanted to be there for me. I just wouldn’t let her. Since then, my mother has helped me with countless issues. I am thankful for every one of them.

If you haven’t asked for someone’s help lately, I highly encourage you to do so ASAP!


It feels good to know that I don’t know it all. That I can reach out to others and ask them to share their knowledge with me.

“For you were called to freedom, brethren; only do not turn your freedom into an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another.” – Galatians 5:13

Let’s interdependence together! Stay Blissful My Friends – E

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