Is Church the Right Place to Find a Husband?

Mr. Wonderful

One might consider me a bit close minded…My first marriage ended up in divorce.

Please understand, the odds were stacked against us. I was a single mother, he was a single-divorced father who was 10 years older than me.  I was only 20 – Which, is why I am writing this very article.
I have known many people, who met at church and married. Some are still together and some divorced.  I have no judgment over either case.  It just is.
But for the young, impressionable, inexperienced and naive woman – I ask that you consider this:  Not every man in church is a sane, healthy-minded individual. Some might not even be Christian.  There are men, who go to church to find a young “submissive” wife. These types of men just love the way that sounds. They love the way that looks. Your best interest is not and probably will never be of concern to them. Though they might give off a good impression.

My suggestion: PAY ATTENTION!  If he wants to rush into a relationship, sex and even more concerning – marriage, I would caution you to Run.Away.Very.Fast.  Or not. But maybe, you could slow things down a bit.  Give yourself time to evaluate the circumstances.  He might tell you that he can’t live another day without being fully committed to you. That he thinks of no one other than you.  He has such passion and intensity in the way he looks at you and makes you feel.  But in reality, he just doesn’t want you to have enough time to see what he is truly about.  He wants you completely under his (short-lived) spell.  Or not.  But maybe, you should still slow things down a bit.  This will not hurt.  If it is bad idea, you will see within the first year (If you are paying attention).  If it is a strong bond, it will be stronger.

No one wants to be unequally yoked and some of us do want to have a life partner. Take your time. Talk to God. Ask him what to do.  Wait on the answer. When you have a good relationship with your Creator, you will know-in your very gut you will know.  If you do not feel  you are getting an answer, WAIT. Just wait. The answer will come to you.  Not everything has to be done today. Not every emotional circumstance needs to be resolved today. Breathe, take time and enjoy where you are at this time. Right.Now.

Are there good men in the church?  Of course!  However, pay attention to your emotional and spiritual condition.  In my case I was a young, single mother of two. I was newly Christian and raised under EXTREMELY dysfunctional circumstances.  I had a lot to learn and was impressionable. I was perfect bait for a narcissist and I bit!

So if you have met Mr. Wonderful in church (or anywhere for that matter), this is a good time to take a self-inventory:

Do I feel comfortable in my own skin?

  • Am I speaking my truth daily?
  • Do I have a daily conversation with my Savior?
  • Am I committed to the life I am living?
  • Has there been enough time to heal from deep emotional wounds in my life?
Then speak to a spiritual counselor/pastor/prayer partner.  Discuss your inventory results, ask for prayer, and be accountable to this person.  Remember, this spiritual counselor is also human and as humans we do not know everything. What I mean by this, is your decisions are not to be made by others. God first always. This person will have input and can be a good confirming outlet. Trust your Spirit always.  You will know.

While all this is going on, consider what you can offer to others.  Can you be a sounding board/prayer partner to someone else? Can you donate some time to your community or church?  Get out of yourself.  Most importantly, don’t take yourself so seriously.  Get out and have fun!

“Wake up, wake up, Deborah! Wake up, wake up, break out in song!” – Judges 5:12

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